1st of January... Even though my mother discourages it, and that many people I know would think it's so 'Western' and cliched, I like to make New Year resolutions for myself.
Last year, I resolved to lose weight and pay off my debt. I didn't lose all the weight I intended, but at least I tried- I signed up for the gym when I was in Cardiff, and I am now a member of the gym in Aber; and yes I do go regularly- that means two or three times a week; because that seems to be the only free time that I have. I also managed to pay off half the debt I had last year; which I think is really good.
Some people of course seem to think that I didn't keep up with my resolutions last year because I was too lazy, or I ate too much, or I spent so much on stuff that didn't matter. In my defence, I'd say try having my schedule. Or to be more specific, try going on last year's schedule; attending class, having one-to-one tutorials on a fortnightly basis, running errands, writing essays, doing tonnes of reading and research for the dissertation, writing the dissertation (or trying to write the bloody thing because some people can't help bringing people over when I've made it clear that they needed to keep the noise down but they didn't bother) and then making big projects that cost a lot of money and take up a lot of time. Yes, try all that, and try to also leave a bit of space in your brain to think of something unique and creative for the projects as well.
If you have been in the same position as me, good for you - most of the people I know, who have not been in the same course as me, have never experienced the same thing. Yet, they are the same people who think, oh you should lose some weight, you are so fat now, Jannah. So I reply to them with a smile saying I do go to the gym and yes I am working on it, but they still go on about how lazy I am and how I'm just making up all these excuses. Yet there they are inviting me over to their little family function insisting that I should have some more food!
When I think about it afterwards, I just feel disgusted by how they managed to hurt my pride after I've worked so hard to try and gain their respect. This happens every time I see the people in Brunei. They seldom say oh it is so great to see you before saying, damn,you've gained weight. Just look at how fat you are.
As if I didn't have any feelings - as if the $2000 I spent on a bloody return ticket wasn't much. I am not fat - they're just all so skinny! And guess what? The debt that I am taking so long to repay started with what I had to buy for these people in the first place. These people really missed me, and I missed them too, so I applied for a credit card to pay for a flight to where they are. I used the card to pay for that as well as for all the gifts that they asked for - and extra goods that I thought they might want to have. That would amount to an extra $700. And if they were going to argue that I should have saved up some money in the first place, then the money would have gone into my projects anyway - unless of course, they didn't care how well I did in my studies. Now that's just contradicting...
And whenever I do see them, I am treated again as a little girl. I AM 22 YEARS OLD NOW FOR FUCK'S SAKE! I am not a child. I have managed to live independently for the past three years now despite having little money left for extra food and travelling, which I love to do. I don't go around clubbing like most of the Bruneians here, and even when I do attend parties, those parties will be to celebrate an achievement, if not a close friend's birthday. I don't even drink. So don't go around telling me I waste my money on random shit, because travelling, though it may be random, is not shit. If I had to choose between travelling and going home for the summer, I would definitely choose travelling. But even that is three times cheaper than getting a ticket to go home - inclusive of transport and accommodation and food. If you must know, I spent less than $600 to go from Cardiff to London to Paris to Brussels to Luxembourg when I was in my first year.
But some people just refuse to listen to my reasoning and choose to continue insulting me and laughing at my humongous belly. Well you know what? I would like to thank them for that because now I've found my resolution for this year:
It doesn't matter who they are. If they are going to bring me down just for the sake of it, I'm going to hurt them back. I don't care, even if they are just joking. No one jokes about me... without having their pride broken in return. If I want to go and hang out with my friends, I will go without having to have their approval. If I do not want to attend they're tiring functions, I will say no. And if I couldn't be bothered to pick someone up because I am too tired or I'd rather do something else, I will say no because it's not my responsibility. I always do it anyway, why not give me some time off??
I am not married and I don't have any kids yet - so why can't they let me enjoy my freedom before I get too old??
happy new year.
(oh damn it you get to travel europe. damn it.)
Posted by: Hafeez | 01/01/2009 at 06:15 PM
[this is good]
Posted by: Pearlyumyum | 01/06/2009 at 03:08 AM